I may seem to be an asshole when you try to do something funny and don’t get the reaction you intended. Please try to understand the background.

When I’m alone, often the only thing that occupies my mind is my death — the circumstances, how I’d do it, what I need to do to prepare for it, and my often high sense of urgency and desperation, and frustration that I can’t get what I want without hurting people I care about. I am frustrated that I must continue to suffer by remaining alive, to provide some kind of comfort to people I don’t even see every day due to our society’s immature ideas about death and suffering.

So when you appear and do something zany, can you understand why sometimes I cannot smile?